If you’re reading this, you probably know me, and if you know me, you probably know what has happened to my church family this past weekend. Long story short: Our senior pastor resigned after admiting an extra-marital affair with another member of our staff. My mom told my grandparents about my my anger and hurt following this situation. The following is the letter that I wrote to my grandfather explaining my emotions in this situation.
I would like to explain my feelings to you because I believe that you misunderstood what mom told you about my reaction to this situation.
First of all, I am not in any way judging Pastor Dave. I am completely aware of my own depravity. I am also aware that this sin my pastor has committed is no worse than anything that I myself have done. I am so grateful for the redemption I am offered in Christ.
I am hurt because a man I trusted and loved and respected has done something I never thought possible. And I hurt because his family, his wife and 5 children (that I have worked with and love dearly) are hurting. My church family is reeling from the loss of our leader. We all hurt; we all mourn what could have been.
And I’m angry. I’m angry at myself for not praying for my pastor more, for not realizing how delicate a position he was in and how much he needed me to intercede for him. I’m angry that Satan was able to tempt an amazing man and woman into breaking their marriage vows and irrevocably changing their families. I’m angry that sin exists at all.
I am not in any way throwing myself a pity party. I know the real victims in all of this and I’m not one of them. But I will continue to grieve this situation, as I know that it grieves the Father too. I will support the families and the new leadership at my church and I will be on my face before God praying that His grace will prevail and our church will bounce back from this crisis stronger than before, more diligent in our prayers for our leaders, more forgiving, more able to deal with the crises that are sure to come.