2009 Theme: Found

Getting Found

jennifersworld — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:28:53 +0000

I have a tattoo on my left wrist. It says “Beloved”. I chose the word itself and the location for specific reasons.

The word “Beloved” is such a simple, beautiful word. God calls his children his beloved. I read a book a while back where the author said that Be Loved is the gospel summed up in two words. God (BE) loved and that set the stage for everything else…
The location comes from a verse in Isaiah, (49:16) God says “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” My name is engraved on the palms of His hands. So, I decided to engrave my own name (which is my identity) on my hand, a constant reminder of who I really am.

You’re probably wondering what the heck my point is in this grand explanation… Here goes:

I went to church last night, for the first time in a while. I felt very awkward walking in, like someone could actually see how far away I’ve pushed myself from God and everything associated with Him. Like my sin was actually a giant crimson stain, discernible to the naked eye. And I sat down and caught a glimpse of my wrist. Of the word that is supposed to be my identity, the constant reminder of who I am and who’s I am. And it flashed like a neon sign at me. All of the times recently when I haven’t been anywhere close to His beloved, all of the deliberate, willful decisions I’ve made to do exactly the opposite of what I know is right, that giant crimson stain I put on myself.

So I cried. I cried for the heartache I’ve caused my Father, for the pain I’ve caused myself, for the mess I’ve made trying to be in control of something that was never mine to control. And then I cried because I realized that He knew all of this, all along. That none of my selfishness is a surprise to Him. And none of it is beyond forgiveness. Nothing I have done has caused Him to love me any less. I came home last night to a Father who has been watching the road for me ever since I left. I decided that this year I would work on being Found (see post below)… I think I’m on my way…

Hello Again!

jennifersworld — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 16:30:03 +0000

Since New Year’s Eve 2005, Crystal, Meg and I have had a tradition (Meg started it!) where instead of making new years resolutions we chose a theme to define the year ahead. Resolutions get broken way to easily (mine are usually done by January 2!) The first year, mine was “Expect the unexpected” which was followed quickly by “Be content where you are”. After that came “Play the Game” and last year was “No Day but Today”; learning to take life one day at a time, not trying to borrow trouble from the next day.
This year, my theme is: Found.

It is taken from the lyrics to a song by the Fray.
I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, Where you been?
He said, Ask anything.

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who’s ever known
Who I am
Who I’m not, and who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I’ve been calling
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you?

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Why’d you have to wait
To find me, to find me?

I gotta little lost after I finished Grad school. I changed so much in the 12 months I was becoming a behavior analyst. Some changes for the good, and the jury is still out on some others. But all those changes left me struggling to figure out where I am, who I am and what I need to do… But I’m done being lost. I am ready to be found…

Doesn’t Anyone know what Christmas is all About?

jennifersworld — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 20:47:56 +0000

First Semester: a recap

jennifersworld — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 05:36:14 +0000

So, I moved to Alabama 4 months ago, and I started grad schoool at Auburn. They told me that it would be hard work, but I never expected it to be this much work… I feel like I haven’t had time to breathe since the first day…
This semester, my practicum rotations include working at an Early Intervention Preschool as a case manager for a kiddo with Autism, and teaching a parenting class for the Alabama Department of Human Resources (which as near as I can tell is the department of children and families back home) Anyway, I learned how to potty train a kid (many, many hours in the bathroom, seriously, my friends started calling me the resident potty!) how to explain complicated behavioral terms to undereducated parents. Not too bad.
I also took some classes, which were way harder than undergrad classes. Harder than anything I’ve ever done before… But I made out ok, I did well!
I experienced football in the SEC, which is really unlike football anywhere else. I got to roll Toomers corner after beating Alabama for the 6th straight year… Amazing stuff
I made some friends, some really good friends, there were many nights spent eating, studying, complaining and working can bond people together in ways you’d never imagine.
I learned some very important things about myself (see the analyzing your own behavior post below) which are not for posting on a blog… (definitely a coffee convo!)
Next up: the other practicum rotation, more classes, more hard work, more fun, and a masters degree… Stay tuned!

Undefeated?

jennifersworld — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 20:46:05 +0000

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK!!! How come I leave the state and the hawks get a good football team? At least that means the games are on TV!! Yay for lazy Saturdays with good football…

Thoughts

jennifersworld — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 02:12:37 +0000

I think too much, really, sometimes I can’t shut my brain off, thoughts bounce around in there like lottery balls in the hopper… I couldn’t sleep the other night because everytime I would try, a thought about one of my clients would pop in there and I’d have to think it through to the end, and then, I’d be drowsy, and almost get to sleep, and BAM! another thought pops in… What’s wrong with me? I need a vacation, or a nap…

The worst part of analyzing your own behavior

jennifersworld — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 01:59:08 +0000

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. –Romans 7:15-20
Why do I always get myself into these messes…

Sweet Home Alabama pt. 2

jennifersworld — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 21:04:34 +0000

I know I havent’ updated since I was on my way to Alabama, I apologize. So here’s my update, I live in Alabama now. Auburn Alabama to be exact. It’s a lot different from KC. But it’s growing on me.
So, I moved to Alabama August 1. I got my apartment setteled and then got to fly out to Anaheim to see my family and celebrate my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. They renewed their vows, which was beautiful and such a joy to be a part of, and had a big party. (Sidenote, the food at said party was AMAZING!!! I have never tasted food so delicious, nor have I seen food so delicious to the eyes, it was frickin’ rad!) I flew back from LA on Sunday and bright and early Monday morning showed up at Auburn for orientation.
We were properly oriented and sent off to Tallassee Alabama (yep, I spelled it right, I promise!) to get crisis management training (read: how to properly restrain students so they will not hurt you, themselves or other class members) I got to practice restraining my class members which was delightful to say the least. Imagine having someone you met two days ago lying ontop of you while you lay on a mat, can you say AWKWARD! But my class is much closer after having experienced this together!
Classes started Thursday. It’s been awhile since I’ve done the whole school thing, but it all comes rushing back when you sit in your first class. (which I was late for incidentally, stupid traffic)
This week we have classes and are learning how to teach a parenting class for the Alabama Department of Human Resources. I can now prove the many parenting errors my parents made with my brother and me, but perhaps I won’t tell them that!!! We start practicum next week…
I think that’s all. More later! Homework beckons!

Moving…

jennifersworld — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 02:11:00 +0000

I write to you from a hotel room in Columbia Missouri (and seriously, it’s killing me, I can’t take the closeness to Mizzou…) on my way to a new town… Life as I know it is going to change. I don’t think I’m ready for this.

Mad Church Disease?

jennifersworld — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 19:23:30 +0000

My friend, Anne Jackson is the beginning stages of writing a book. Yes, a book with the working title of Mad Church Disease. Intriguing, huh?

Mad Church Disease will discuss the epidemic of ministry burnout in today’s contemporary church. Currently, anonymous surveys are being conducted at MadChurchDisease.com for those who are on any church staff, those who are family of church staff and those who are volunteers in ministry. By analyzing these surveys, as well as conducting interviews with pastors, families and volunteers world-wide, Anne hopes to bring this touchy subject to light using real-life stories of not only tragedy, but redemption and healing for those who have been affected by this disease.

As a former Church employee and current volunteer at a megachurch in Kansas City, I am 100% behind this project. I’ve seen the burn out, I’ve experienced it for myself. This is a book that has needed to be written for years. It’s a book that will no doubt inspire men and women currently serving in ministry, considering ministry and who have never even stepped foot in the church. I look forward to seeing how God uses this book and Anne’s story to impact the lives of many.

SO…

How can you help fight Mad Church Disease?

Check out the book’s webite, and if any of the survey’s apply to you, take one. They are completely anonymous.